Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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