i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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