you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
