I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
