she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
