I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize