I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
