she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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