Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
