Got a toothbrush?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
