Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
