I can tuck mytits in my pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
