I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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