Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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