fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
