we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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