WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
