I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize