the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
