Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
