just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
