question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
