It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
