Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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