So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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