He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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