somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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