I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did I show you my penis last night?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize