ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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