apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
