Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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