Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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