when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
