He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
