tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
