She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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