i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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