I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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