forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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