She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
