I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
