Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how drunk are you?
Several
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
