I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
