This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
