Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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