i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i out mim tonsoeep
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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