i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
