The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
