I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
