I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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