Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
