you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
