My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Two words: blizzard sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
