I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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