Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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