Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Enjoy the penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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