Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
