we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
