I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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