There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize