There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
