I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
