he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
