You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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