Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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