You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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