My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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