my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
