he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
pray to the hookup gods
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