I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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