please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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