the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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