he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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