she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
