Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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