So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
