every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Damn victory sex feels great
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
