I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
