remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
