you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
