Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
