I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its liver damage thursday
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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