I think my fart just growled at me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize