I hate all girls vehemently.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
