Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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