screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
