also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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